She owns a business and we have 4 kids. She was designed to submit, to help Adam to become what he was intended for, and more and more in this day and age, staying in these gender roles becoming harder and harder to do. A lot of men need to get over themselves. I did want to say that forgiveness is not your responsibility. But it completely revolutionized our marriage. I know I need to talk to my wife about it, but I am dreading the conversation. These days after 4 kids things are completely different.
As I provided for my husbands sexual needs, God started to increase my desire. About 18 months ago I made the same promise your wife did: I would never say no again. She is mine, and I love and cherish her and will not hurt her even when it would be easy to do. Thank you so much for writing this! I bumped into this blog consequent to a comment in The Generous Husband. When I googled my topic I just opened the top result. Easy to do but takes some time.
A better wife makes a better marriage. I feel better knowing there are other Christians out there that feel the same as I do. This friend even suggested getting a separate room for myself to give me time to decompress afterwards. Do you think that trying this might re-jump-start our intimacy in general? Now, I agree, there are many men who are only out to please themselves, but there are also many men myself included who adore their wives and seek their pleasure above their own. Why not start with something simple: Put a blindfold on her. I think it depends on the ultimate goal.
I think my husband should read your blog! The sex acts in a lot of porn show men that are not only controlling, but uncaring. We played with bondage while my wife was pregnant as well. I have never heard of this grey movie you talk about and dont know why it is related to this topic. I think there is a difference between painful dominant sex and intense dominant sex. On the other hand, I try to tell him not only how something makes me feel or lack of feeling and but also give examples of what that action, or not doing that action, looks like. As a woman, I have always been fascinated by this idea, for the reasons you say. He has self esteem issues that existed long before I met him, and his way of dealing with things is to run and hide, even though it has cost him greatly in his life.
People like bondage for a variety of reasons. I think I may have arrogantly believed that I must just be really good. I mean, before we had kids, I knew exactly what to do to effect an orgasm within a minute or two. As our marriage began to grow and I learned to trust my husband more, I decided to give him a gift. We were just a bunch of crazy kids who were extremely lucky in more ways than I can imagine. Why on earth would you find that sexy? How can this be building up our spouses? She has to trust that I will let her go, that I will not harm or hurt her and she is dependent on me during that session to provide, to give her pleasure.
But you must realize that Those People often go farther than that. I think we might take this gear on a little get away sometime when there is more dedicated time for just play. It was truly a life changing book for me. As you can see, there are a lot of different enjoyments that come into it, and they differ from person to person. After 20+ years of not speaking a word to anyone about issues from my past, I feel a little better each time I am able to discuss it in a safe non-judgemental environment. It seems disrespectful and does not turn me on at all to think about it. I know a bunch of books have been mentioned already and I am going to mention one more.
I was against it before I even saw the movies though. My point is to say, that I think you can do it in a loving, Christian marriage, and feel guilt free from participating in it. For 8 years I turned him down constantly! I would really like to surprise her one day soon. As we progress, as we grow our relationship in God, it shines a bit spotlight in our lives onto where we need to change. I decided to go the extra mile for people who want more information, and did some research.
That would take the experience to the next level, and she might really dig it. Good luck, she obviously trusts you. I even wrote a book, designed to help everyone who comes here get past all the problems and difficult bits quickly, easily, and a lot more smoothly than I did. I watched the 50 shades movies, I became enraged and wanted to jump through the screen and take a 2 x 4 to that guy! We have a similar story as yours. How are you talking to him about it? I think many men and women are calling out for some way to reclaim that feeling.
And to be honest, she loves to do it. I have some guilt issues about past sexual choices. I was the one who introduced bondage to my hubby. I would love to suggest an alternative word for slut but, alas, I cannot come up with one. When we started to move away from making love regularly, God told me he would help me deal with my sexual frustration. And, yes, I would venture the sexual problems are only a symptom.